VEGAS!!!!

Hello Everyone,

First, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It means so much to me that you are following and enjoying it.  It has been so wonderful for me share my thoughts. Frightening at times, also. 

Thank you for your kind words via email, Facebook or twitter. You have given me another reason to keep writing.  As you know Hunter is taking  me to Vegas.  I will be in Vegas from November 27 - December 1st. I won't be able to update the blog until I get back. He has no idea that I'm writing the blog and I don't want to take a chance of him finding out about it. 

But I will be tweeting randomly throughout the day. Follow me @mistresthoughts.

Take care and remember send me your love stories I would love to read them,
V


 

Unanswered questions

There's always a rush of excitement that goes through my body when I see the skyscrapers in New York City from the airplane above. Looking down below at the city that I used to be so foreign to me, I fall in love with the city all over again. New York City, my home. When I was younger I use to tell my family “If I could make it to NYC then my life would begin.” I didn't understand or know what I was looking for but I knew that whatever it was it was in NYC.

Returning to Brooklyn from visiting my family for Thanksgiving in New Orleans,

Confirm or Cancel Part 2

To: Hunter Smith

From: Victoria Charleston

Subject: Today

Hey,

I hope this email finds you doing well and your day is going great. I was a little hesitate to write this email. Considering that my personality is laid back and chill, I didn't want to come across as the crazy side chick.

Confirm or Cancel

“I understand what you're saying. But I don't think that I should have to settle for just anything!” I said to Maya. We were in the drama room and you could cut the tension with a knife. I couldn't imagine a moment in our friendship where Maya and I misunderstood each other on such a high level. We've always been able to balance our friendship. We could always asked each other very personal questions and spoke freely about anything but every now and then the planets wouldn't be align correctly and our scales would be off balance, like today.

Moments

If my cellphone could print out text messages based on my life it would probably give an accurate account. It's the only entity that knows my day to day life. The ups and the downs. The secrets. The dreams. My daily reality. A few day's ago my cellphone and myself found ourselves at a beautiful wedding in Mahwah, New Jersey. The bride and groom were friends of my date. My date: Tim Cox .

Viva Las Vegas

“I can't wait to enjoy you next week in Vegas.” Hunter whispered in my ear while I laid in his arms after making love. Looking up at him he had a huge satisfying smile on his face. He wanted to take me somewhere to relax, enjoy myself and get my mind together. To be my knight and shining armor.

Guilty

Sitting on the side of the bath tub nerves ran through my body. I couldn't believe it. Here I was waiting for the results of my pregnancy test. How could I be so stupid? We use a condom every time. But worst then the nerves I feel guilty. Guilty about having this affair with Hunter. Earlier in the evening he told me that last weekend was his anniversary. I really didn't want to hear that. But the reality of what I was doing to his wife started eating away at me. Regardless, of what I believe, he say's that he's married. There is a 50/50 chance that he has a wife. What type of woman have I become? I've always been a girls girl. I would stand by my female friends any day. I never trust a woman that doesn't have female friends. Usually that means she will sleep with any man including mine. I stay away from women like that. But I've become that woman. There's a reason that I've kept this relationship a secret. It's taboo and down right wrong.

But the icing on tonight's cake was that I talked to my mother. For the first time in my life I couldn't tell my mother about a part of my life. I've lived by the creed that if I couldn't tell my mother then I shouldn't do it. She's my first and only best friend. I didn't lie to her about Hunter I just didn't say anything. It would kill her if she knew.

I feel terrible.

As I wiped the tears away from my cheeks. I looked at the test results. Negative. With a sign of release I walked to my bedroom and crawled under the covers. Hoping that the still of the night will wash away my guilt.

Where do I want to go?

“You really don't have a case Ms. Charleston” the attorney over the phone said. “You are an at will employee. They can let you go or you can leave at any moment in time for any reason.” All morning I've been calling around to attorney's trying to see if I had a case. I know I was let go because Tasha didn't like me but she can't fire someone because of her personal opinion. Apparently, since I didn't have a contract the company is free to do whatever is in their best interest.

I was embarrassed and ashamed but all of my friends rallied around me and told me that if there was anything that I need to just let them know. That made me feel good. When I started telling my friends what happen. Tim would call daily to check up on me. When I told him what happen he was understanding and offered to help me look for jobs. He knew people that was in the advertising industry. When I told Maya the news her respond was “That BITCH!!”

Feeling depress and angry after talking to the attorney I decided to take a walk around my neighborhood. I was due to met Rachel that evening but I needed time to myself. The sun was shining. The streets wasn't as crowded as they would usually be since everyone was at work. I had been on this career path for a while. Yes, I love and enjoy advertising but is it time for me to start on another career path. Did I have to stay in advertising? Or even work for someone else? I've longed for the day's that I would work start my own business. Sometimes I think that I could start a whole new career.

Walking into Lovey's Accessories Shop I thought of Hunter. I haven't talked to Hunter in a few days. He knew what happened. He was very supportive and thought that I had the worst case of luck over the last couple of weeks. Separating from my husband and being fired. He offered to take me on a trip to clear my head. “Anywhere you want to go.” he said. Where didn't I want to go is more of the question. I remembered that I was suppose to met up with him tonight. Mistakenly I double booked myself. I decided to text him

Victoria: Hey babe, I won't be able to see you tonight. Hanging out with my family. I really want to see you even for a moment.

Hunter: You are bad

Victoria: LOL. What are you doing? What are you touching

Hunter: Working from home today. I'm getting ready to touch my dick

Victoria: Are you going to stroke it fast or slow

Hunter: Fast

Victoria: I want you to imagine cumming all over my 44DD size breast

Hunter: Yes, that's what I'm going to think of

Victoria: Good

Hunter: You have me so hot

Victoria: I can't wait to lick and suck you. I have a serious craving for you

Hunter: LOL. I want to see how long you can have my dick in your mouth.

Victoria: ooooooo I like challenges!!! Game on...I'm going to suck you until you explode

Hunter: I do not want to be addicted to your mouth

Victoria: Why not? It will make you feel so good

Hunter: I get addicted sexually. I can't let myself go there with you

Victoria: Let it flow

Hunter: I would want to fuck you all the time. I know me, lol

Victoria: That isn't a bad thing. I will fuck you day in and day out

Hunter: We are so perfect together

Victoria: Yes we are.

Hunter: See you soon boo bear. Can't wait to hold you

***

“Have you told your mom yet?” Rachel asked.

“Not yet. I have to have a plan before I tell her anything. You know my mother. Always have to have a plan.”

“I think you should do what you've always wanted to do and that's start your own business. Finding your inner allure isn't just about sexuality.”

I knew that if I wanted to take advantage of the situation that now was the time. I started to get a little excited about the idea of starting my own business. Rachel was talking about her clothing store when my phone buzzed.

Hunter: I can't wait for our romantic getaway. Where do you want to go?

Could this be real?

I couldn't believe the word that I was reading. Terminated. Tasha called me into her office earlier in the week. I wasn't sure what she wanted to talk about but knew that I didn't meet my quota this month. This wasn't the first time that I've came up under the quota. Usually if a person is three consecutive months short then management began taking disciplinarian action. When I turned my report in I wasn't too worried, I would make it up next month. Again, this wasn't my first time not meeting my quota. So when Tasha called me into her office I was stunned when she handed me a piece of paper that stated that I was being let go because of my lack of performance. Watching me read and comprehend the words in the letter, Tasha looked at me with satisfaction. “Is there anything you would like to say?” Tasha asked. There wasn't much for me to say. Without a word I walked out of Tasha's office, gathered my things and walked out the building. Leaving behind a place of certainty, walking into a unsure future.

Sitting alone in my apartment I couldn't believe what happen. Terminated. How could this be? I knew that Tasha wanted me gone. But why? I was a hard worker and I was great at my job. Who wouldn't want me as an employee?  I wasn't sure of my next move. I planned to be at this agency for a couple more years before I start to move up into a management position. I didn't have a 5 year plan. I figured I would make it up as I went along. But now that I'm without employment, now is a good time to start making a plan.

Later that evening I got a phone call from Tim. We talked over the last few days and made plans to get together the following week. Tim sense something was wrong and offered to come over. I really didn't want company but I didn't want to be alone either. I finally agreed for Tim to come to my apartment. 

I'm was sure what it was? Was it the sight of Tim or all of my emotions of the day came out. But when I opened the my apartment door and saw Tim standing there tears fell from my eyes, FAST. I began to cry harder and harder. My feeling was so hurt. How could a person be so mean? This was my job, my career. Tim rushed to me and pulled me into a protective and safe hug and let me cry. He didn't say a word, he just let me cry. Once I got myself together, we seat on the couch. “Do you want tell me what's wrong?” I shook my head no. I didn't want to explain the situation just yet. “It's nothing bad,” I told him “My feeling are just really hurt.” Tim said that he understood and didn't ask anymore questions. We watched a couple of episodes of the second season of West Wing and ordered takeout. After making sure I was okay, Tim left for the evening. I crawled into bed feeling a little better but still very hurt. Slowly as I drifted to sleep my emotions turned to anger.

As I was cooking breakfast the following morning, somebody knock at my door. When I opened my front door there was a delivery man with a beautiful display of twelve red long stem roses with a note: “Whatever you're going through, keep your head up. Don't let them break you. xoxo Tim” As a read the note butterflies began to fluttering in my stomach. Could this be the beginning of something real?

FYI

To: Hunter Smith

From: Victoria Charleston

Subject: FYI

Major fight with husband. Need time apart. I'm so upset Wanted to let you know.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

To: Victoria Charleston

From: Hunter Smith

Subject: RE: FYI

Where is he? OMG... What happened?

To: Hunter Smith

From: Victoria Charleston

Subject: Fight

He's pissed about mine view with not wanting children. I don't understand, he's never acted like this. I don't know why he's pressuring me so much. This has never happened. He's never talked to me like the way he did tonight. Its like he thinks that I'm holding out on him. I'm just not ready! That's it. I told him it would happen in time. He wants me off of birth control!! I'm not going to be bullied into having children. He's soooo mad at me. I don't understand. What happened, what changed? We was suppose to go out of town this weekend. We decided not to take the trip together.  I don't understand!!!! Am I wrong?

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

To: Victoria Charleston

From: Hunter Smith

Subject: Meet me

No babe you're not wrong. I just booked us an hotel. I will text you the details. Meet me there in an hour. You need a shoulder to cry on.

Intense Chemistry Part 3

Payback is a bitch. Here I am thinking that I can handle the sexual side of an affair. Walking around accessing my inner allure. Thinking that I'm in control of this situation. Ha, Hunter knew all to well how to take back control. Hunter sucked and licked my pussy until I screamed, begging literally begging him to stop. Wrapping his arms around my tights so that I couldn't move away, he wouldn't stop pleasuring me. All night was about having his face buried between my legs. No intercourse was exchange that night. Not even a kiss. The only thing that was inside me was Hunter's tongue. When Hunter wanted to taste my pussy he did, no questions asked. I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling Hunter's tongue gliding across my inner tight making it way to my pleasure point. We didn't do much talking that night. He said everything with his tongue.

Best of both worlds

“So who's your husband?” Maya asked laughing. I hadn't seen Maya in a while. With our crazy schedules and dates we haven't had our standard girl's night. I missed our talks. Our lives is filled with drama. We often call her living the drama room. Good drama, bad drama, nonetheless drama.  When one of us is having a life issue we meet in the "drama room".

“You remember my friend Tim? I'm using him as a inspiration for my husband.” I smiled. Inspiration in terms of looks, background, and education.

Shaking her head, “Didn't you just go out with him?”

“Yup and had a ball.” Flipping through the current issue of Koutour Magazine my mind drifted to Tim.

Tim hadn't changed since the last time I saw him. He was still personable and fun. He made me laugh throughout the night, as always, but he was different. Mature. When I met Tim a couple of years ago, he was the crazy college boy that everyone knew and would do bonehead things in order to get attention. But the Tim that I went out with yesterday was different. Easy going, but he hadn't lost his sense of humor. Not only was his personality different, he shaved his head, grew facial hair and added nothing but muscle to his arms and chest. He was pleasing to the eye. After the concert we went to an all night restaurant to catch up and talk about the concert. I had to stay late for work so I had to meet him at the stadium. Tasha was watching everyone (by everyone I mean me) like a hawk. I had to perform nothing but excellence everyday. Tasha was out for blood. My blood.

At the end of the night Tim walked me to my door. Standing there I felt like a teenager waiting for her first kiss because I didn't know if he was going to kiss me. “You look great, I've been meaning to tell you all night.”  Throughout the night I notice Tim checking out my ass and boobs.  A huge smile came across my face. I've been working out hard over the last few weeks. There was definitely a change in my body. Tim gave me a strong and close hug and kissed me on my cheek. “I will call you tomorrow.” he said with a sexy and confident smile. Not feeling disappointed I knew that I would see him again, soon. This was a great date.

The sound of my phone buzzing brought me back to the drama room.

Hunter: I miss u. Wish I could lay next to you tonight.

My date with Hunter was tomorrow night. We're spending the night and all the following day together. Since it was a weekday he said that he took the day off. I was working from home that day.

“You know what I'm trying to figure out?” I asked Maya. “Hunter told me that he puts his son on the bus every morning to go to school cause his wife has to go to work early. We've had 3 all night dates and they all have been during the week. Who puts his son on the bus?”

“ooooooo good question! Do they have a nanny?”

“I don't think so. He's never mentioned one. And also, what wife would be okay with her husband being gone all the time. I understand for work but come on.  He's been on several business trips and spends nights with me. Then he tells me he gets off work at 6pm goes to the gym for 2 ½ hours and is in bed by 10pm.”

“So when does he spend time with his son?” Maya asked the exact same question I've been thinking. “Well he's a liar bottom line. He's a cheater. He can be lying to you about everything.”

“Why would he lie!!!!!. There's no need to lie.”

“Why are you lying to him that your married.” Maya questioned

She was right. I had my reasons for lying and probably so did he. It was hard to think of Hunter as a liar but he was and so was I. This relationship was finding out about me. I couldn't do that hiding behind a fake marriage. I decided to end my fake marriage. I came up with a plan that would give me the best of both worlds. Hunter couldn't have me 100% emotionally but I would still have my freedom to do what I want in his eyes. I would start executing my plan tomorrow.

Karma's Job

I love my job. I really do. Not only do I love it, I'm extremely good at it. I've been in advertising for over 10 years. Going out, meeting people and helping them get their ads inside our roster of glossy lifestyle magazines is exciting. I meet some interesting entrepreneurs and get to try all types of new products and services. It was by accident that I ended up in this career. My aspirations was to be a elementary school teacher, but spending a summer as a camp counselor was proof that I didn't have the patience to work with children daily. Three weeks into the camping session I called home and told my parents that I was leaving. Not proud of my decision but I couldn't take it no longer.  As a true Spartan of Michigan State University I would read the State News every weekday. In the back of the classified section was a small ad that read the State News was hiring advertising representatives. I applied and got the job. I was a natural. The next semester I changed my major to marketing.

But there are days like today that make me want to change careers or better yet change company's. Recently the company hired Tasha Logan as an account executive. Basically she is my boss. From day one Tasha was a true bitch to me. Loafing herself over me, creating unnecessary protocols in the department just to prove that she is the boss. Today three of my clients called the office and wanted to expand the number of ads they would put in the magazine. I was out signing up other accounts so I couldn't take the call. Tasha took it upon herself to direct them to another representative not only did lose the I commission, I have to share the upcoming commission with the other representative.

When I heard the news I was completely upset. Pissed was more like it. Hunter's timing couldn't have been perfect he called at the same time I heard the news. I explained the situation to him. Being super sensitive he asked if I wanted to meet him for an impromptu dinner in New Jersey. Of course the answer was yes. As I gathered my belongings to leave the office for the day Tasha asked me to come into her office. Smiling to myself I'm thinking she's going to apologize for her mistake today. “Victoria, you are one of our best representatives. But I have to say, I'm disappointed in how you handled yourself with your clients today.” I went blank. What did she just say?  The only thoughts in my head were “WHAT THE HELL!!!” She continued by saying that I should have been in the office when my accounts called but since I was out “entertaining” I lost the accounts and made the company look unprofessional. Bullshit! Looking Tasha straight in the eye. Woman to Woman. “You know this isn't about my accounts. I'm good at what I do and you want me gone. So since you can't find fault in my work you're making up excuses to make me look unprofessional. But it's not going to work.” Standing up I grab my things and begin walking to the door. “Victoria?” Glancing over my shoulder “Please begin to prepare you quota for next month. Everyone must meet their quota” She winked.

Leaving the wicked witch of the East to her own finger to fuck herself. I grabbed the train to New Jersey where Hunter was waiting for me. As we drove to the restaurant he listen to me moan and groan about Tasha. Every now and then he would give me his opinion or advice. Throughout the ride we held hands and at stop lights we would share in a passionate kiss. Inside the restaurant I took a break from my madness and drama and asked about his day. He explained that since he spends most of his time in Morristown (which is 1 hour away from the city) his company is offering him a company apartment to stay in while he's working. Our own little love nest he called it. I hadn't decided if I was going to dissolve my fake marriage but this new information had my scales tipping to one side.

Driving back into the city I asked Hunter to drop me off at my work building. I wanted to send out an email to all my accounts having them call me directly for further assistance. Tasha's last words wasn't a helpful gesture it was a threat. Kissing Hunter he whispered in my ear and told me everything would be okay and he couldn't wait to see me later this week.

Walking into my building I figured how ironic that my professional life is becoming uncertain. Is this karma's way of getting me back for having an affair?