Confirm or Cancel

“I understand what you're saying. But I don't think that I should have to settle for just anything!” I said to Maya. We were in the drama room and you could cut the tension with a knife. I couldn't imagine a moment in our friendship where Maya and I misunderstood each other on such a high level. We've always been able to balance our friendship. We could always asked each other very personal questions and spoke freely about anything but every now and then the planets wouldn't be align correctly and our scales would be off balance, like today.

“All I'm saying is that you can't expect him to treat you like a girlfriend. Something could have came up, that's why you haven't spoken to him. Maybe you should relax a little bit.” Maya responded. Her voice was calm. Knowing Maya well I knew that she was upset.

Hunter and I had a set date. Usually two hours before the date we would text one another to confirm. But today I haven't heard from him. He neither canceled nor confirmed the date. This is so abnormal. I knew that he was working in Morristown today. The date was set for 2pm by 7 o'clock that evening I was storming into the drama room with Pepsi and Chinese food ready to have a bitching session.

“He could have text or email me. I'm not saying that we ALWAYS have to go out and that plans can't change. But don't blow me off. Confirm or cancel, pick one.”

“I agree. But you still need to relax. Find another way to express your emotions. Learn how to handle them. Don't let them run you. Let me ask you a question? Does Hunter have any idea that you are writing a blog?"

"Hell NO!!!" Maya would be the first person I would call if Hunter found out.

"Ok then, why don't you focus on the blog. Continue writing out your thoughts and detail your emotions. From what I've seen, its been very therapeutic for you. You are NOT the type of woman to deal with a married man."

Hearing and understanding Maya. I knew that I had to handling my emotions better. It was hard but this was a decision that I made.

“I'm sorry and I get where you are coming from.” I said to Maya

“Me too boo.” She replied with a smile.

When I first started the blog it was simply to write about my thoughts. But truth be told writing about my experience with Hunter terrifies me. Whether they were public or not, with words in your face you can't reject the truth.  By the blog being public I knew that I would face others opinions about this situation.  What would everyone say? What if Hunter found out? How would he react? I'm a very private person.

Writing on the blog gives me a way to see myself but not as myself.  One of the biggest questions that I ask myself. Why a married  man? Do I need a married man to help me find my inner allure?  I couldn't answer these question. But the answer lies at Genesis. My beginning.  The beginning of my relationship with men. Interesting enough my experience with married men cheating on their wives doesn't start with Hunter, it started with my father.