Guilty

Sitting on the side of the bath tub nerves ran through my body. I couldn't believe it. Here I was waiting for the results of my pregnancy test. How could I be so stupid? We use a condom every time. But worst then the nerves I feel guilty. Guilty about having this affair with Hunter. Earlier in the evening he told me that last weekend was his anniversary. I really didn't want to hear that. But the reality of what I was doing to his wife started eating away at me. Regardless, of what I believe, he say's that he's married. There is a 50/50 chance that he has a wife. What type of woman have I become? I've always been a girls girl. I would stand by my female friends any day. I never trust a woman that doesn't have female friends. Usually that means she will sleep with any man including mine. I stay away from women like that. But I've become that woman. There's a reason that I've kept this relationship a secret. It's taboo and down right wrong.

But the icing on tonight's cake was that I talked to my mother. For the first time in my life I couldn't tell my mother about a part of my life. I've lived by the creed that if I couldn't tell my mother then I shouldn't do it. She's my first and only best friend. I didn't lie to her about Hunter I just didn't say anything. It would kill her if she knew.

I feel terrible.

As I wiped the tears away from my cheeks. I looked at the test results. Negative. With a sign of release I walked to my bedroom and crawled under the covers. Hoping that the still of the night will wash away my guilt.