Inner Allure (revised)

Thinking about Hunter and the way he played with my body left me feeling wildly sexy. This was a sexiness that I haven't experienced in a long time. The feeling was powerful. It wasn't Hunter who gave me this power, it was me. Allowing myself not to censor every move and thought, it is liberating and powerful. I felt like my inner shine was breaking through.

I began to wonder is that why some women engage in for-bitten activities?

Meeting up with my cousin, Rachel Young. She knows a little something about dating married men. Throughout her 20's and 30's men have done everything for her including playing her rent to helping her launch an successful clothing store. Now at the age of 45 Rachel understands her power, how to use it and she's proud of it. I had no intentions on telling Rachel. I didn't want my family to find out. Not that Rachel would tell or anything.  But you never know.

“Why are you glowing?” Rachel questioned after the waiter brought our drinks. We sat at the top of a hotel roof bar. Rachel and I have always been close. She was more like a big sister to me. When I was in college I would visit her in NYC. I knew that I would move here one day.  For my graduation gift Rachel purchased me a one way ticket to NYC. She said that if I was going to move I should do it now. No job or apartment, I boarded the plane with all the hope in the world. It has been an learning experience but I wouldn't change it for anything.

“I don't have a glow, girl” I said to Rachel not trying to make eye contact. Apparently I wasn't very successful cause she gave me the “Who are you kidding.” look.

“Okay, I will tell you but this stays between you and me...” I launched into my story about meeting Hunter and how wonderful our night was. At the end of the story I asked “What should I do now?”

“Take it one day at a time and don't think to much about it.” Rachel simply said. That was simple but not simple to do. Since our night together, Hunter and I have spoken on the phone several times and have exchanged racy emails. We were in our own world. How do I not think to much about it?  "But I think you should cut it off.  You're not the type of woman that could emotionally handle an affair."

“Be careful, once you start having feelings for him then cut it off. You can't allow yourself to get so into him because he has a wife. Understand your power in this relationship.” There's that word again. The way I felt. “You can get anything and everything you want.”

“How do I do that?” I never thought about getting anything out of Hunter. I just wanted a fun relationship but this revelation opened my mind.

“You have to find your inner allure. What attracts himself to you? Every woman has an inner allure that can cause any man to do whatever she wants him to do. But as women we have to access it and cannot be afraid of it.” Rachel explained. “It a very powerful thing. When you connect to your inner allure you don't act out of emotions or conscience thought. You act of selfishness.  You make all of your decisions based off of what you want. Your desires come first. You might upset and alienate some men but those that are strong enough and willing will stay around for the incredible journey that you take them on. Those are the men that are privilege to being with you. Men loves BITCHES.”

This little secret had my head spinning I wanted just a relationship something fun, exciting. Now here I am talking about connecting to my inner allure. Was I up for the challenge? I needed a second opinion.

Leaving Rachel to head home early, we kissed our goodbyes, after she reminded me of our upcoming family reunion cruise.  I called Maya on my way home. I wanted her take on this whole inner allure thing.

“You just can't do the usual things that you would do with men. You have to be abnormal. Nothings normal anymore.”

Hmmmm...Nothing's normal...Connecting to my inner allure.

I decided to call Hunter. “Meet me at this hotel tonight. I wanna fuck.” I said as soon as he answered the phone. We hadn't set up our second date yet. This was a spontaneous move. I didn't know if his wife was around or even if he would pick up the phone.  “Umm, okay. I can be there in about two hours.” He replied. “That's fine, just come.”

After we hung up the phone, I felt weird but confident. Did I just connect to my inner allure? Not playing it safe. I headed to 48 Secrets Sex Toy Shop to pick up some fun toys to play with tonight.